Confidence is our birthright. We contain at birth, all the confidence we will ever need.
This writing examines the what, whys and hows, why it is lacking, and why getting it back is vital. The long and short of it, is this is a long;) but necessarily so!
Historically, removing confidence was a proven tactic, to achieve greater control and discipline over others, so it became part of the system adopted and relied upon, within our developing society.
Our culture is predominantly from English rule and development through the centuries, and this was one largely based upon fear and mistrust of others.
It was considered disobedient, heretic, and unlawful historically, to question one’s own self from greater understanding, and could risk death or imprisonment, as it was was seen as direct disobedience and/or disrespect to the crown or the church at that time. They were the nucleus of Britain’s societal structure, and any threat to these functioning, needed to be quelled/stifled/stopped.
Confidence comes naturally from self knowing. When a human being is unable to know itself, confidence can be naturally lacking in epidemic proportions…as it is today.
“I reclaim all confidence I may have lost in moments of stress, shock or upset, or had taken, or have given freely away, to be in my full strength in this present moment.”
So what is confidence exactly? It is our ability to just know we can do something. It is with us with our every action, our every movement, our every consideration. It is not something that is separate from us at all and we actually need to consciously separate it ourselves, in order to give it away, or to let someone take it from us, in order that we can be without it.
*confidence – full trust; belief in the trustworthiness or reliability of a person or a thing; self-reliance, assurance or boldness (Macquarie,Aust.’91)
When a cat gets up and crosses a room, it does so with the confidence it has in knowing it will reach the other side. In the confidence it has in its ability to move its limbs. In the confidence it has in its ability to discern that there is no hidden danger in the carpet, or behind the curtain;) A human baby takes a step, after it has the confidence in standing and moving legs and feet. Action, then consequence, from confidence in desired outcome, and from ability experienced. Not a conscious thing at all, it is completely naturally inherent.
So confidence is something we naturally have.
We cannot have a ” bit of confidence” or a “lot of confidence”. This is actually not accurate usage of the meaning of the word, we just have it. We contain all the confidence we need for our entire lives. The word has just been misused among others. Most likely feelings you could mix up with the word, are really those of uncertainty, nervousness or apprehension. These are very different feelings, and are useful to us, for what they can share when we read them correctly, behave accordingly, then release them from us.
Know that you have confidence, and that you always have enough.
So why do some of us feel we don’t have any?
To feel a lack in natural confidence is an ill-health issue, BUT, in human beings, undermining natural confidence, was a chosen strategy, or course of action for the development of a number of different branches within society.
It was a strategy that had proven it’s worth for many years in the military. In the development of our society, the military had a prominent role, and given prominent consideration in political circles. Still much that we get, inventions, services and products, that are made available, began as instruments for military use. Another definition of undermine, is ‘to make a passage under, as in military operations’.
The very fact that it is called “undermining confidence”* proves that we have it already, and it is needed to be reduced/depleted/minimised.
* undermine – to render unstable by digging into or wearing away at the foundation; to affect injuriously or weaken by secret or underhand means; to weaken insidiously; destroy gradually.(Macquarie, Aust.’91)
It is much harder to control or influence a people who are confident with who they are. As we are all equal as human beings, it is vital, if a society is of a construct that requires a hierarchy within it, that the majority of human beings believes they are of little worth, and that they are dependent on others for their very well-being.
Undermining confidence, in order that it could be earned back in an approved manner. Undermining confidence to make for a more subservient group. Undermining confidence to make for a group that was more easily controlled.
Opportunity to win back confidence, or to earn back confidence, could then be a chosen method of motivation.
My own childhood made this very clear.
I can still recall the tone used by my mother when she shouted at me in complete frustration and almost disbelief, with a screwed up face, narrowed eyes and a horrible tone : “Where did you get that confidence?” Not from her obviously!;)
She required me to have none. She expected me to have none. She had done her hardest to insure I had none. She herself told me of the army’s need to undermine confidence to get the troops into shape. I hear the words “undermine confidence” with her voice to it still, of her using the words with me when I was a little girl.
At this time , and particularly in my mother’s time, children were still considered by some to be second class citizen, mini labourers, by those with the teachings of Victorian England very much rooted in their consciousness. There was no children’s vocabulary or separate words used by my mother when speaking to me, she used military vocabulary, and gave orders, as had been used on her.
My mother’s world did not work, if I already had confidence. But have it I did, quite naturally. That it needed to be ‘undermined’ also demonstrates that it is inherent in us from birth.
She needed to remove it, in order that I could earn it back somehow. In order that I would be motivated to achieve respect for myself through some work or study avenue, or by obeying her every whim, in the hope that she would one day cast me an approving glance.
It did not feel right to me at all to give away my confidence, to someone I did not trust.
As the home I was born into offered me at no time a safe trusting place, I did not give my confidence away. It just was not a convincing prospect ever.
There was no time that my mother said something to me that I trusted, or even pretended to be nice. It therefore made no sense to me, to give away my confidence to her. I was never given an incentive to believe this individual telling me what to do, had my best interests at heart. I knew she didn’t. I did not have any confidence in her!;)).
Fairytales were full of children running away, and making it on their own, and I had plans. I had a secret life, and she made no attempt to get to know me – I was to be only as she dictated – so in fact I was a secret.
I ran away at five years old, and sat for the longest time on the front steps of the sweet shop, thinking it over. I returned myself and unpacked my little case as I had nowhere to go, and I realised I couldn’t make it on my own. I did plan to make it on my own at some stage though, I just didn’t know when, so I hung onto my confidence, as I knew I was going to need it.
A television show that we watched was “It Ain’t Half Hot Mum” a show about a British regiment stationed in India. Amongst the characters was a very strong and belittling sergeant-major, who yelled at the rest of the men in derogatory ways. “You lowdown piece of scum you.”
My mother had been an acting Sergent Major and words like ‘on parade’, ‘forward march’, ‘ready for inspection’, were commonly used by her.
Common words she also used were:
“worthless child”, (worthless;without worth, useless, valueless, of no importance)
“stupid, ignorant child” (stupid; lacking ordinary activity & keenness of mind, mental dullness, tediously dull),
“you wretch” (wretch;deplorably unfortunate, a person of despicable character)
These were all words that were acceptable confidence controllers by her military mind.
If she had a query, or if her attention was caught, she would begin it with a “What’s wrong with you now child?
The combination of, the removal of confidence and respect, in order that they could be a useful motivator for participation in key areas within society, is still functioning to this day.
An example of this, is to study for a ‘certificate’ course/’diploma’ course/’degree’. Once you have been part of a study course and proven yourself, or from job experience, or received an award by way of certificate, or trophy, that makes us certain we can be ‘confident’ in that area.
We can receive a title in some cases that gives us back more respect among our peers and ‘subordinates’*. (*More on this in another writing.)
In addition to removal of inherent confidence and respect, it was also considered important what others may think, and I feel this could possibly be and most likely is, the origin of the development of what I call ‘false realities’. Falsely wanting people to believe they had some experience they hadn’t. or completed a course in something they hadn’t. Just to get back the respect that they were entitled to from birth anyway.
When our society was planned, it was done so without knowledge at all of what we are. There was none of the knowledge on the Human Being, that is available today, or how to maintain ourselves in health or even what our needs are.
It was also planned by those who did not and were not able to historically, perceive the consequences of their legislation.
Traditionally in some other cultures, it is specifically the women, who make a determining decision, as they are the ones who are considered able to foresee for the generations. British political history contained no such balance.
It was planned largely by those who wanted for themselves a better life, and who were mostly suspicious of all others, mostly in ill health of one kind or another, and mostly confused about what marks/shapes/constitutes a life priority from an irrelevance!!!
Lacking in confidence is not the same thing as being shy, anxious, apprehensive or fearful.
Being shy, bashful, timid, introverted, keeping to one’s self are not the same thing as lacking in inherent confidence. Feelings are to be felt. Feelings can be indicators of much : do it anyway!
I was painfully shy as I was spent most of my time during my early childhood years feeling emotionally crushed, and being directly ordered that I was “worthless”. I considered myself an “emotional void” at one time, so aware was I that I had such a build up of emotional injuries, that I had stopped registering their pain.
I was not able to look anyone in the eye, or hold my head up in order to do that. I consciously needed to heal this within myself, and did so in a systematic way, giving myself suggestions and trial behaviours to cure my shyness. I realised that someone can see me just as much, if I looked at them shyly, partially and sideways, as if I looked at them directly square on!
I realised that we choose our actions, and our actions become our behaviour, and our behaviours are what makes us, and we become who we decide to be.
A quote I came across that resonates with me is “Procrastination is the evil nemesis of confidence”.
How we put things off, coming up with excuse after excuse to do everything else, but the thing we are wanting to do! We can also decide to do it anyway! I like to use the phrase ‘what irks us the most, is where we are ripest for growth’ for these things.
Where we need to take a ‘step up’ in our behaviours, to incorporate a new activity or achievement, demonstrates to us that it is forward, higher, or growth for us, on our path.
It is recommended to take ‘baby steps’ towards the difficult challenge, doing it breakdown by breakdown, bit by bit, nibbling away at it. It is when we are certain that something is challenging for us, that we know we are in the right direction. We know we are growing!
Shyness is a feeling. Feel it…then do it anyway! Some of us are naturally more insecure or shy than others and this can be as simple as astrological determiners/alignment of the solar system at time of conception. These are our ‘cards’ but they are not set and we can develop ourselves through our own personal growth, knowing what are strengths and weaknesses are, but more on this in another writing…
To ‘know oneself’ is so important so we know what we have to work with, what we can discard, and what we can work on….to BE all we can Be…with confidence! : )