- why humans cry
- how it occurs
- how I know
My father left me in the ‘crying room’ of a British childcare facility, saying to me in a voice with a strong Hungarian accent, and a gentle tone “do not cry my darling girl or I will cry”.
I was left on a low wooden frame bed, maybe half a foot from the floor, that just had hessian stretched over it. They were lined up in rows, and the window had more hessian cloth over it to keep the room dark. There was nothing else in it.
There was nothing else to do except to lie on the bed and cry. The door was ajar and you were only able to leave if you would not cry. If you ‘wanted’ to cry you had to return to the room. I can recall feeling good about myself when I hadn’t needed to return to it for a while.
Some of us were very small. So small, that we had to also wash and dry our knees from crawling, in addition to our hands, before we got a meal. I can recall my parents arguing over my placement there, and it ending with my mother’s instruction to my father in a harsh, ordering, conclusive tone, “she will get used to it. ”
The purpose of our tears are to cool the face, keep our internal temperature down, diffuse our energy and to protect precious organs from overheating/over stressing. Internal energy rises in us, in order to leave us via expression from our mouths. Our chi/ki/prana/subtle or inner energy carries with it, the frequencies of our distressful feeling.
When energy is strong enough/’loaded’/ ‘heated’/’emotive’, as to rise quickly or forcefully into our head, our body’s reaction is to protect our precious head extremity from over heating, or becoming over laden with energy.
Our head contains our vulnerable eyes and brain, and our design assists in preventing rising temperatures, and in neutralising the effect of energy building up, so the energy is released in the form of sound frequencies that can accompany the tears in the form of ‘sobbing’.
How perfect that our energy at its most intense, needs to pass through a fixture that has available to it, fluid to keep the eyes clean. This fluid – contained in ‘tear ducts’, are our eyes’ first defence against foreign particles that may come into contact with the outer eye. We naturally weep and the foreign particle is carried out from obstructing our view, to a corner of our eye for easier removal, if not flushed from the eye completely.
These tear-ducts serve a dual purpose and are activated when we need to release energy at the intensity that may be problematic for any of the rest of our being/body/self. Our breathing can get heaved, we can get discomfort in our diaphragm, we can get aching jaws or a headache from a frowned forehead. It is important that we have a way or protect our eyes and by crying we also assist energetic release from us, to cool down what we exacerbate from our moving energy.
The sound that we release when we cry, is in itself, is a vital release of energy that we no longer need, or want to contain, within our being. Screaming and laughing are included in this and I go into these in another writing. The heaving, or spasming that happens over our rib-cage, enables stuck grief from past hurts to dislodge and to join the rest of the grief energy as it is released form you.
My experiences with crying continued as I was encouraged by my mother to do more of it. “Go to your room and have a good cry about it” she would say with a disturbing smile. Or “go and have a good blubber about it”, blubber being a derogatory English word referring to crying that I had heard my grandfather use before her.
I grew to enjoy my crying time – well, it’s all relative isn’t it;)- or at least the way I felt when I did it. It was the only time I felt creatively free to express myself completely. There was no one standing over me ordering me how to do it, what position to be in, or how to sound. There was no one berating me for not being able to it “right” or “normally”, or “as was ordered”. This was extremely refreshing for me.
It was the time I felt the most relaxed in the family home. I was usually left undisturbed, so felt safer then, and what had happened to cause my crying usually meant I was going to be unhurt for while. It was now up to me to make myself feel better. And, this is precisely what crying enables us. It also allows us to shape our emotional body, which in turn affects our receptivity, and our reaction to, our surroundings.
Some countries have always accepted emotional expression as a natural part of being us. Wailing or loud grief sounds are expected in some cultures and language groups, to mourn a passing of a loved one for example.
It has been traditionally a very English habit to keep “stiff upper lip” or not to express what we are naturally feeling. Non recognition of our feelings is an enormous contributing cause of our global health crisis, and the English speaking population was notoriously very unhealthy historically.
It became very ‘proper’ in the English speaking world at one time, to not resemble anything natural, and to ‘behave in appropriate particular predetermined ways’ rather than to react naturally to something. This was refered to as ‘good manners’ and ‘to show good breeding’, also ‘gentleman’ and ‘lady’ behaviour.
Being polite and courteous is one thing, and these are a natural part of showing respect, that is a quintessentially human need, but to contort natural behaviours so that they are set or rehearsed, and disconnected from any present stimuli, is ridiculous to say the least!
As I became skilled at crying, screaming it out, allowing as much frustration and pain to leave in every heave, in time, even my crying was taken from me, with a mean toned order to “stop your crying….the neighbours will hear you.”
Not being allowed to cry, then led to ‘depression’ or a feeling of complete disconnected numbness, as I literally became smothered or had all my vitality suffocated, by my own unexpressed ‘suffering’ energy. Crying is a natural and healthy human reaction to stimuli, and we have no reason to feel uncomfortable if we understand it’s benefits and purpose.
I had discovered that sometimes sounds would just want to come out without tears when I was crying, sounds that I was not consciously shaping or ‘making’, but were just coming out of me. Sounds that I did not even know was possible to make.
I was not allowed to make these either after a while and would receive a “Stop that noise, what’s wrong with you now child? But I had experienced them, as a completely natural, spontaneous event.
I gave a sound healing demonstration at the Woodford Folk Festival, Sunshine Coast Hinterland, Australia, and in Inspiral Lounge, Camden Town, London, and for each of these times I went into detail specifically how my experiences of crying, had led to my knowledge of sound release. And particularly of the benefits of allowing whatever sounds to leave us, that need to at the time, without any judgement of ours imposed upon them or our release process.
When we cry, we do not usually monitor ourselves critically like we may do when we sing or speak – so it really can be the only time we allow unconscious control of sound to emerge from us. I doubt there has been a time when you have gone “Oh…that wasn’t a very good sounding cry!” We tend to ‘let go’ and to allow whatever sound, that wants to come out of us, to come. This is also precisely the sound that needs to leave us to bring about the most healing!
If only we would ‘let go’ more, in all aspects of life!
Stimuli, response. Stimuli, response. Stimuli, response.
Trust that your being gives you the response that you require for energetic maintenance.
We, as human beings, are a naturally occurring organism, with natural needs.
Stimuli, cry. Stimuli, laugh. Stimuli, make love. Stimuli, response. : )