Our Face.

Are you just Being your face? Or are you ‘holding’ or ‘making’ a false or contrived face, to look a certain way?

I was tortured as a child to hold my face in unnatural positions, in the hope I might train myself to look more suitable to my mother’ s eyes.
With the invention of the mirror and camera, we have become increasingly more focused on how our face looks, rather than on what it shows we are feeling.

My mother made harsh critical comments about my face countless times a day. “What face are you making, now?” pestering me endlessly. I took to covering my face around her and my brother to give myself some peace, a desperate act and a natural thing that I felt to do as a child to shield myself from them. I later discovered it was the same means Joseph Merrick who had been named ‘elephant man’ had used. I gained strength and found camaraderie in learning of him.

She seemed more provoked by that thought “What face are you making under that?” then “Take it off, so I can see you face.”  I saw her, you see, and my face showed her that I saw her.   My face showed her that I was so saddened and disappointed in her as my mother, and that I expected no sense or caring from her.  Such that it was.

I was her mirror, as she really was, not as ‘she would have other’s believe’ as she had learned to do from her own solution-seeking creativity, and she couldn’t stand it.  She had learned nothing of self development or of our natural healing journey, that is our life, and her creativity had taken a dark turn.

But our face shows to the world what we are feeling – or even thinking – through its incredible array of nerves and muscles so that it can give us expression. And yet again, in this day and age we even paralyze these so that we can control how our face looks. I was sad, so I looked sad, and this ‘just wouldn’t do’. 😉 Being “god ugly” was one thing, but I had to look as though she was the perfect mother, and was even tormented by them for “looking miserable” after they had caused this natural reaction. 😉

Are you just Being your face? Or are you ‘holding’ or ‘making’ a false or contrived face, to look a certain way? Do you even know how your face might look, really smiling? We exude joy and light through our eyes, more than our mouth. 😉

My mother made me smile for a camera – the only time I ever smiled – yet it was her ‘approved smile’ for my face, rather than ‘me smiling’. 😉 My mouth had to be a certain size, with eyes that didn’t go “too Chinesey” and I was made to hold them as wide open as I could and not blink. Another torturous time sitting endlessly on a hard wooden chair, while I contorted my face into her mirror. I think she even thought she could change my face, if she had me ‘train it.’

While it is in our interest to feel we look good – as good as we can be – so we are confident to be us, it is how we are feeling that even here, is really of importance. If we look ‘good’ but feel crappy, we still don’t feel good. 😉
Our face is to reflect to the outside world what is happening inside.

I am really tired of respectable or expensive clothes on unhealthy misshapen bodies, and well made up faces on people who cannot smile. I grew up knowing the truth behind such a person, and grow up I did, despite every effort against it.

I survived my childhood, and just as I would like to play some part in preventing anyone else having to go through the same, I would like to share what it is I know, about the extent denying our true selves can have on our basic species ability to behave in normal circumstances.

My ‘mother’ – in adverted commas purposely as a mother she was not – was largely a product of her stern ‘Victorian English’ upbringing and had lost all ability to feel, rendering her ‘psychopathic’ , and as my speech therapist said “the mother from hell. ” This could have been prevented.

We are here on Earth TO FEEL. We can have lovely clothes and makeup, but can we also have functioning human bodies inside them? And no matter how obsessed we may become with our appearance, we must still allow for our full feeling experience. If we do not, there will be dire consequences.on a humanity scale. It is evident already. 🙂

 

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