*This is a reply to comments to my blog ‘What’s Christmas All About Really’ & my facebook page. They were not worthy of a response, but the writer is my brother. So, as outrageous, disturbing & offensive as they are, this is how I remember him, and am grateful he exemplifies some of the hell for me as a child. But this is many years later, our mother is passed and I am concerned for him. I am grateful he chose to write to me here, as this medium gives us a platform where I can communicate in more safety, and to be enroute to begin healing his many false beliefs. The comments I refer to, most I moved to the end of this writing, as they were too awful for anyone to discover unexpectedly under a blog about the Vibe of Joy! I am also grateful he had the opportunity to voice himself, so I could ascertain from the comments what beliefs he was operating under, and as horrific and memory triggering as it was for me to read, I am thankful to have become so unfamiliar to such nastiness that was once my everyday as a child. I did attempt to create a more supportive situation among UK relations, without success, with even a counsellor present before entering the points I raise here. But, this is how reality is playing out. 😉 I forgive him & sincerely wish him well, and if I can, there is no reason any of it, should be anything other than a catalyst to real positivity, once realised.
~ Andrew, this is not finished, but I decided today that I think it will help us both, to release what is ready. To help give you some peace of mind, and to help me with your continuing harassment. I will complete it by then adding to it, to address as many of your obvious concerns you have raised. I will place a number here any time I make an addition.
~ Unfortunately I am not able to continue with this original plan, needing a break from the stress of this intense work for now. Good for you to realise, but needs to be another way, another time.
So many years of horrendous abuse, and then your recent attacks, attempting a reconnection with you has been worse for me than I ever could have imagined, and the consequences have taken a toll on my health. This is what I meant when I said it is not appropriate to contact me. You are blocked on all my addresses/social media, please abide by this. If you do have valid reason to ever get information to me, please pass it through our ex Gloucestor -now in Spain- Uncle, or our gingerhaired older cousin – both of whom are minimal triggers of my PTSD. Under no circumstances contact me again yourself. I would prefer to not put a restraint order on you, and it is not obviously essential considering you do not have Mary’s condition. I sincerely hope there is no need. Let me heal. Thank you for respecting my wishes!
Andrew, I had wanted to reconnect with you in the safety of U.K family for the first time after so many years, and I tried to create something supportive with family in UK without success, with even a psychologist/ social worker present. So, I visited you, and now we are here. It is not ideal, but it is what it is – how reality has played out – so let’s make the best of it now. I feel there is no alternative than replying to you here.
Andrew, your comments since I advised you that it was not appropriate that I be of support to you and to connect with UK family – these comments – is not O.K with me. I made excuses for you as a child, and I made excuses for you as an adolescent. I forgive you, for all you did when a minor / a child. You are a grown man now, and only you are responsible for your thoughts / actions / behaviours, regardless of from where they stemmed. You have made criminal offences in your comments thus far : death threats & defamation, and the latter to five people! Nowadays therapy, self help & wellness practices are many, and if I can forgive you, there is no need for any of your problematic past actions to be a part of your future, unless you yourself continue to make them so.
It has been horrific to revisit the negativity & abuse that was once my everyday. Horrendous to re-visit & re-experience, it has been debilitating and sickening for me during the preparation of this healing response for you. Your abuse was always so thorough, so widely encompassing. Andrew I am not interested at all in these horrible, troubling thoughts you have – mostly nonsense – passed on by Mary, other’s your own. But, I can see where I can set you straight, with photos and clear memories, that hopefully can be a catalyst to your healing. I will do my best to explain to you here, what I know.
I do so aware that you always had comprehension challenges, but you can reread in your own time. I never appreciated how much this was a struggle for you until you asked to copy my Biology homework – that was only comprehension questions to a Biology textbook reading. I was also sent some of your old school work, perhaps by mistake with my own, when I asked for these from Mary. I admit I was shocked. We never spent time together when I did not need to actively avoid you, or keep a conscious distance, so I was not aware of your cognitive/general functioning in other areas. I do recall how you may have got D’s where I may get A’s for the same class in high school, and school-report time for you I witnessed being something you & Mary talked through with her giving you encouraging words. I once asked Mary what was the story behind this school performance of yours’, and she answered with she had left the gas on in Allowa Flats when you were a baby, but knowing Mary as I do, who knows if that were true. It could just have been an excuse to not get you more adequate support. It was suggested to me that you are in the ‘realm of autism’ and certainly, it seems very likely and would explain your challenges & behaviours.
Andrew I chose not to put orders of restraint on you, though my lawyer suggested it, to leave open the possibility of you apologising at a future time and where ever that may have led us. This never occurring, I visited you to check how you were, and found there was no opening for any re-connection. I found you so caught up in false beliefs that you didn’t seem able to stop yourself from telling me, and it was too disturbing for me, given I had no good memories of you. I did not want to hear a horrific lie about cruelty to my dog. Or any lies about my own life history, or anything negative at all with regards to the Hodgkin family. And this, on my first visit to you in 30 years. Your harassment in correspondence began soon after, by email/fb, then here.
Andrew, I just knew Mary. I think I was the only one who did. Simply put, Mary was unfit to be anyone’s mother. And all of this – that we are living to this day – is a consequence of how unfit. I never bonded with her, and all these years have just been keeping away from her – and her away from me – and that, only after it became abundantly clear that there was no possible rehabilitation for her, made obvious by the final social worker clinic saying to me “Why do you bother?!”
So I stopped. I bought you both those kittens to make what I saw as a miserable situation more tolerable, and I stayed away. And yet… She has needed to make & maintain me as public enemy no. 1, to keep anyone from getting close to seeing what was really going on, behind every scene. She could have had me in her life, but she was committed to continue to live out her creative lying strategies instead. There was no ability to heal in her, as is common with her Narcissistic Personality Disorder, where lies are used as a controlling mechanism given name ‘gas lighting.’
‘Gas lighting’ is a name given to telling lies to control the beliefs & behaviours of others, so much so that they can lose all relation to what is real and what isn’t. Mary also got enormous pleasure from hurting people, by the means of stories blaming others, so the responsibility was removed from herself. She had no empathy, and no capacity to love. This enabled her lies to be at the extreme end, always over the top hurtful – as she had no idea how hurtful they were.
When her lies found me by way of a phone call from a lady she’d upset enough to internationally telephone her sister, the lie then travelled back across the world to me, speaking of Mary urgently wanting to talk to me before she never can. I phoned her in the carehome – remember? I was hopeful she really did have something to say to me but “no.” The only thing said repeatedly was “Oh..oh….I can’t talk, Andrew is coming up the hall and I don’t want him to hear me.”
Now Mary has gone is a time of transition for you. At the moment I think you are feeling lonely and lost. I think you are regressing to your childhood familiarity, of persecuting me, having everything blamed on me, and focusing on my death. But this is a time of transition that is an opportunity to live your best life from now on. I feel this crossroad is available to you at long last.
Here is an excerpt from Dad’s letter. He is replying to the letter I sent him at the same time I wrote to Mary explaining in clear detail why I was putting orders of restraint on her.
“…Thinking back you are basically right about your childhood, your mum was ruling the family, she was saying she knows how to bring up an English family etc, what could I do? Left her, went back to Australia and in the end back to Hungaria. I knew she is heartless couldn’t give love. ”
He used to call her “Nasty-woman-not-able-to-give-any-love.” Did you never hear him?
You were told something awful happened to beloved dog Josie by Mary, and she managed to involve several people in the same lie. She would have done so, as she felt her control on you threatened by these new influences in your life – undoubtedly contradictory to her – so she needed to gather you all to herself again. So you would continue to live in the reality she created for you. Animal cruelty lies and people killing each other lies featuring very strongly. You are existing in a delusion Mary created to control you, to this day.
Here is a photo of Josie at 13 & half in Brisbane, for her last Christmas, passing away before making her 14th birthday. A Grevillea Moonlight shrub was planted on her grave in the garden.
Here is a photo of Josie taken by someone you defame in one of your comments, while in the care of another you defame. Here she is looking strong, confident & well, being cared for by the loving friend & neighbour, who loved her and had known her for years. I got the absolute best person to look after Josie, and I am grateful to her to this day that she did. I had so many injuries from that 1992 motor vehicle accident, I was not able to walk her or give her adequate care even if she had accompanied me to Brisbane at the same time.
…to be continued.
Shave. Or cut the beard closer to the face. At least look as though you embrace life. 😉
Get a chair, so there is a space for a visitor. ‘Live as IF’ you want to be a part of Life. 😊 Research The Law of Attraction.
You need to focus on positive thoughts IN your own life, rather than negative ones in mine. Make a conscious decision to do this. You are simply brewing an insane woman’s control tactics over you. Entertain only positive thoughts and words. Begin a Gratitude Journal where at the end of each day you have a special place to write down 5 things you are grateful for. Oprah Winfrey has a lovely segment on this on one of her youtubes.
Have basic house facilities, such as a functioning toilet, so you can have guests feel comfortable. At least live as though a guest may visit.
Take up new hobbies! What interests you? So you have fun, new things to talk of with new people. 😊 You were good at swimming, and other physical sports & games.
Research and join ‘Men’s Groups’. There are a number of them run up the Sunshine Coast area & Northern N.S.W. A great opportunity to develop in the supportive community of Men. You were kept suppressed in development by a self-serving mother and never encouraged to develop and find confidence in your self as a man.
Sell the house. Create a new home. If you do stay get a cat or two from the RSPCA.
Stay with U.K family. Visit them a.s.a.p. They have been caught up in a lot of the same beliefs as you, and can provide a healthier family dynamic for you to witness and be a part of for a while. Alternate, staying with both Uncle’s families and that of older male cousins. They may not be able to guide you emotionally & psychologically, but the environment they would provide, will be healing for you to be a part of, pleasing & courteous & most important free from controlling pathogens.
Create a vision board, collect inspiring pictures – e.g from magazines of things you would like to manifest in your life.
Ask yourself in meditation “What do I want for my life” rather than living as a cast-off, something Mary left behind. You need to focus on your own thoughts, if Mary told you something, I would abandon it as it may – or may not – be true. You need to get a grip on reality. And you can now, as Mary is not there to hold back your progress. This is positive.
I want you to take a good hard look at your vocabulary. Your words. 4 words you wrote me, after I provided you with many photos and information of your family in Hungary. 4 words in positivity. Now look at all the words you have written in negativity below. We create our reality with our spoken word. Focus now on positive words only to bring it into your life. -)
Andrew Pinter You are a rotten piece of festering dead meat.