- the ego defined
- what the ego isn’t
- why ego has been so misunderstood
- the role of ego among men
- how identity serves us
- ego disorders
What is the ego?
I am hearing more frequently the word ‘ego’ used, especially amongst young men, then often with a “but that’s just my ego talking and I need to get it out of the way…” I am finding it just as important to speak of what the ego is not, to provide a clearer understanding.
As we develop self mastery, we find that much of it comes from recognition, perspective, then understanding, of each aspect of ourselves.
The ego is given as bad a rap as cholesterol, when they both are in fact an essential component of being a Human.
Without cholesterol, we would be a pile of cells on the floor. They are the ‘name tags’ or coding for a cell, so they know what they are, and where they are meant to be. This is also why it is not digestible, or easy to break down, as it needs to be permanently in place so we can function as an organism.
All the ego is, is our identity construct while we are here on earth. The identity that we form, out of which to operate. The identity that enables us to bring what we bring to the planet; our ‘game piece’ that gives us the greatest ‘play’ out of which we can play our best game with the most opportunities provided for our creativity.
What the ego is not…
The ego is not our social status, or how we view our social standing among others. Of particular importance if you are in the form Man. They are related in that the ego can be reinforced/solidified or brought into question by the social status. The ego can be likened to the toy car on the social status electric track.
The ego is not about feeling a sense of pride or a want to do well, or a want to do your best. Pride is an essential component of being human.
The ego is not about caring that others view you with a high regard. Respect within humanity is how we function best and a natural want.
The ego is not about wanting to have the best life that you can for yourself and your family. This is a natural drive, and additionally felt if you are in the form Man, as you are naturally the protector and active doer and you naturally lean toward what is best for yourself and your own.
It is inherent in all species to do one’s best. To choose to not do your best, is a human ability that does not encourage personal growth of any kind, and is in fact disabling. ( I go into this in greater detail with another writing, as it is in epidemic proportions, and the cause of many larger concerns). .
The ego is simply the identity construct that you create, out of which you operate.
You create it, so naturally you can feel prone to an insecurity or have doubts sometimes, as you contemplate yourself. It is completely personal, and completely up to you, no matter how capable you feel you are. Or how much life knowledge you have or have not. This is why it can easily cause confusion, concern and misplaced emphasis.
Choose who you want to be, and work toward creating this.
Give yourself as many possibilities for opportunities within this identity as you want.
Then, let it go. Remove attachment. Just be that you, as you go about your tasks, projects and activities.
The ego is also not about feeling a need to impress a woman if you are in the form Man. This is as natural in us, as in many other species proving themselves in some way, by building nests or driving off other males or having the most amazing feathers. The tales of knights of old who most impressed the queen, winning her affections for a night; the man who’s harvests are the most bountiful being able to choose from more than one girl in the village, all appropriate tales for learning.
When a man does something well that we women cannot do, it impresses us, is ‘sexy’ and arousing to us. This means our base chakra inner energy rises/moves and we feel this. When a man achieves something over other men, our attention goes to him, as the potential greater provider and protector. Base chakra : core survival sustaining energy, and responsible for the genitalia.
I began life being ordered to “consider yourself last, if at all.” I felt as worthless as I was told I was, and was so emotionally shut down, that I was numb to even sensing my own wants and needs. Not having an ego was part of my ill health condition at this time. I was actually denied forming my own separate identity.
I related completely to feeling ‘kept’ and ‘owned’ in my childhood situation. I was ‘hers, my mother’s,’ and was expected to move on command. Like the little hamster I had as a pet, I was the ‘kept child’ in my mother’s cage. She knew best, and I was to obey. There was no opportunity given me to form an identity. I was told what to do and what to think at all times, and feelings just weren’t considered. Behaviors, that I was instructed to have, were of her choosing. It was a completely demoralizing situation.
One such telling example, is when we needed to go somewhere on a coach. We had arrived late at the bus station, and she ordered me to lie down in front of the coach outside, if it tried to leave without us. She was serious. She then disappeared, to attend to something or other.
She had told me many times that “people have children to do their dirty work”. I can recall the awful feeling, and the very weight of the responsibility, as I watched, frightened at the activity outside. Metaphorically, my energy felt shoved even further into the ground before being jumped up and down on. It was a ridiculous responsibility to put onto a small child.
It was of a time when children had to do only as they were told, when children could still be remembered as cheap labour and second class citizens, by those still influenced by the teachings prevalent in Victorian England. It had not been agreeable to my mother, that I even existed.
I found in time, that making myself malleable around other’s wants and needs, and totally without a sense of personal identity, just not viable or workable, for myself, or, anyone around me. How could anyone relate to me? Who was I? I had to use all my skill and intent to discover who I was, in secret. I needed to learn of my own personal likes and dislikes, as don’t they guide our natural behaviors, and aren’t they essential?
Forming an identity, then keeping to it in a state of integrity, makes for the most effective and operational manner for our life path. It makes for our greatest and easiest success.
Ego disorders can occur when…
1. There is not an adequate identity formed yet, out of which to operate.
2.There is not an adequate sense of self, felt. A lacking of objectivity perhaps. What are your achievements? Is your view of yourself clouded by unexpressed energies/issues/ ‘depression’?
3. There is not an adequate perspective of self, realized. Where you end, and where others begin. Where you fit into your community?
A bandaid measure or what I call “solution seeking creativity’ may be that you feel the need to create a false reality around you for the benefit of seeming to be more, or something else, than your identity allows. This comes when you feel unsatisfied with yourself, and you are not living in integrity, and you feel you could benefit from some illusions or lies, added to your identity. (Lie; a falsehood told with the intent to deceive).
Something to notice is your language or word use. An indication of where you are with your focus/perception of your Self, may be found in the frequency you use the words “I” , “Me” & “My”. The frequency you think the words ” I” ,”Me”& “My” also. Notice the frequency they are used by others, for a private check-in.
It may be common in language for some men to exaggerate, particularly of achievements with women, jobs, machinery or sports, but this is actually a social standing /social status issue, and also not ego. As we are beings of energy, a group energy is formed when we are together. It is this energetic pull that can sway and change behaviours of an individual energy. A group energy will perform much better, if those who are are part of it, think highly of the others around them. We are ‘raised’ by the energy we are in…or we can be depleted by it.
These examples can be equally said of some women, in some situations now, particularly within the English language, as we have the situation where both sexes are doing economic raising activities, and roles and behaviors have changed to incorporate these. I expand upon this in other topics.
The natural urge inherent inside Man, as by design, the active doer, protector, and competitive one of our species, is to feel great,proud,larger and stronger even, if other men ‘raise’ his status by what they may ‘perceive to be’ or from ‘how it looks’,or what they ‘imagine to be true’. If you have not spoken a lie, how is it wrong?
There is not likely to be a situation where a man offers to say “that hot woman wasn’t interested in me, I was just giving her a lift.” or ” We weren’t on a date at all, just standing next to one another in the Movie queue.” “We went on a date but she said she wasn’t interested in seeing me again, and the evening ended really early.”
Better for him that he says nothing…and let’s others think much. The pull of group energy in Man is extremely inherently strong, as it is meant to be. Man is the one who has been required by tradition to rely upon other men, to bring down the large hunting prey, to protect all that is theirs from possible attack. To achieve great things together. You only need to go to a football game to feel the strength o f this energy.
An enormous subconscious attraction to being in the Army services is to feel the group male energy, brotherhood and camaraderie. These are not so easy to find these days as they once were, aside from sports teams, and certainly a requirement for us. Men strengthen men, and women strengthen women. Gang interest can have the same appeal to it.
I completely understand the historic uproar when women were first allowed to join the Army services, as energetically we are completely different. The presence of a woman’s energy being would completely alter the energy of the nearby surrounding men. Our chakras or energy segments or ‘wheels’ rotate differently. As they are meant to do. Men and women are meant to affect one another energetically, and all of the time. We do not ‘come into season’ like some other species do. Some cultures do incorporate this knowledge and have taken their own measures to keep their societies operating.
An unfortunate conflict of interests can occur, between the enormous pull of this social status energy and very real self growth having the opportunity to occur within a man’s ego/identity. One such example is if it is alluded to within a group that a man is already in a more advanced relationship with a woman, than he may actually be. This is risky, and as a woman I can share that we can find this a complete turn off.
Women find confidence extremely appealing and sexy. A need to allude that something is already going on, convinces us that there is no confidence for the possibility that it will. Holding back from hinting or alluding, to advance social status, may have led to a real development with this woman, and to a growth in identity/ego that would have genuinely raised the social standing more so.
It is part of Self Mastery for a Man to use wisdom to negotiate the balance between your ego identity, and your social status within the group energy. To surf the edge between them to maximize your success from a state of Integrity. Remember that integrity enables you to fast track to success, so is worth it every time, and it always pays off in ways you don’t ever expect!.;)
These situations between ego and social status and our relating with presumptions, also has allowed for a development of, a perceived messiness, between what is truth, what is alluded to, and what is a lie.
It is completely clear, however, when it is understood in the context of the natural tendency of our species, and of our tendencies from being either in the form Man or Woman, and of the importance of truth/adherence to what is, on our path.
I consider we do an amazing job to be us, since Sages and Wise Ones are no longer here to guide us. Many women are living more as ‘female men’ , unaware of what else lies waiting for them….if they only knew. And there are men, who for some reason that they themselves may not know, never feel quite comfortable calling themselves a ‘Man’ .
This is only a consequence of lack of recognition of all that we are, as our society was formed. We know better now and we have all the knowledge in the world available to us. The greatest wisdom however, lies in the application of this knowledge, hence my passion to share. : )
Living a carefully constructed reality, here in life’s game, relies upon being inside a functioning identity. This is the ego, and its wonderful ability to monitor itself. You may occasionally receive feelings that encourage you to check in on the effectiveness of your game piece, as you play on.;)